Festival chic exposed

Thank goodness one fashion insider is practical when it comes to so called fashion 'chic':

"Round my way, a festival look is at least three sweatshirts, a bad pair of jeans, lame wellingtons from the high street that leak because you were too cheap to go Hunter, hair that hasn't been washed for three days, eyes that haven't been shut for four".
-- Hadley Freeman, The Guardian, 20th June 2010

 

 Our realistic tips for your summer festivals. And they don't include info on battery-powered hair straighteners:

 
1) Look utterly ridiculous
This is no time to look chic or understated, there are men in dresses everywhere for god's sake. Someone wants to do a cock on your head in flouro paint? Let 'em and wash it off next week. But go for something other than crudely drawn genitalia. This hairstyle would never have worked without three days of grease and a polystyrene cup. Loved it so much we slept in it for 2 whole nights.

2) Dress-up
The theme at Secret Garden Party this year is 'fact or fiction'. We went as a tree imp last year ('Eden and Babylon'). We might write the words to Rime of the Ancient Mariner all over our body. This is too wanky, right?

3) Let it all hang out
Everyone loves a pair of tits in the front row at the main stage, and here's where you can get away with flashing your bits at choice moments during the weekend. Go on, do it, it's hilarious.

4) Recycle your undies
A boyfriend of ours once lost all his luggage. He wore our underwear all weekend and probably loved it.

5) Get diirty
No don't slide in the mud, you will regret that, but a cowboy bath (with baby wipes rather than an old rag) is acceptable and frankly, respected in our eyes. Don't take dresses you're going to worry about sitting on the ground in, because that's just dumb.

6) Slap on the glitter
Yeah your face is covered in zits, but you've got four days of glitter on so no-one can see it. Sleeping in fake eyelashes may be the quickest way to a sty, but we just don't think about these things when we're crawling into our tent at 5.30am.

7) Take clothes and shoes you don't mind losing
We once lost a flip flop in a human turd at Reading. They were not missed. If all goes to plan, you should end up naked sleeping in the stone circle anyway, so take something old and swap clothes with a handsome stranger.

8) Pack light You don't need three headscarves, trust us. And do not, as Glamour recommends, pack it all into a wheely suitcase (have they ever been to a festival?!). And if the weather's like this, you'll want to get out sharpish.

Let's be honest, unless your press or a performer, this is the reality of your festival look:

Images
flickr.com
www.dailymail.com
Our own SGP shots

Sources
www.guardian.co.uk
Experience!